Anxiety is the flipside of creativity.

Inspired by an interview with Jimmy Carr on “Diary of a CEO’s podcast with input from John Lennon and every mindfulness book you’ve ever read.

What would you do if you were told
You only had six months left?
That’s what you should be doing now.

Life is what happens when you are
Making plans for your future.
I think that’s the wrong way around.

All that we need can be found here
Right here, right now, in this moment.
We need to learn how to see it.

The future can and will take care
Of itself. It was ever thus.
Stop for a moment. Breathe in now.

Edgy Comedy.

Jimmy Carr: “There’s A Crisis Going On With Men!” (youtube.com)

Jimmy Carr, self described “Edgy” comedian, although he does use bunny ears when he says “Edgy”.

I’ve never been the biggest fan of “Edgy”. I find it entirely contrived from a place that may not be that interested in being funny. I think Jimmy manages to do what other edgy comedians don’t manage. He makes it abundantly clear that what he’s doing is jokes. He also isn’t mean-spirited. “It’s a joke about the bad thing, its not the actual bad thing”. And he’s funny. Like I say I’m not a *huge* fan of the edgy stuff and Jimmy has crossed lines a few times but he does acknowledge it. He engages with his detractors and does so eloquently and with grace. Many of his edgy contemporaries do not. They will lean into their narcissism and accuse you of not having a sense of humour and ultimately fall back on the “Freedom of speech” thing. Freedom of speech is a whole other discussion but ultimately Freedom of Speech has never been threatened, at least not in the way some would have it. I’m more concerned with the crackdown on peaceful protest than I am with someone justifiably and with validity being called out for their prejudices.

You are free to say whatever you want, wherever you want. What you are not free from are the consequences of your actions when you are called out. Fewer and fewer people are prepared to be the punchline to low-rent, thoughtless comedians who only ever shoot for dead fish in a barrel.

I’m Irish and our love language is abuse. We can take it as much as we can dish it out but it needs to be clever and good. You’d get in more bother for shite banter than you would for being insulting. That said there is a time and a place and the second someone is clear that they are uncomfortable with it then back off. Back RIGHT off. Too many folk “Love winding people up”. If you are one of these people then know when enough is enough and have the good grace to back off. Otherwise you’re just a bully. Yes you are

I’ve never bought a ticket to go and see Jimmy Carr. It’s just not my bag. What I would never do would be to call for him to be cancelled, or anyone for that matter. I would encourage people to do a bit of due diligence before attending a comedy gig. Before you buy a ticket to someone you haven’t seen before check them out first. With few variations, comedians will have stuff up on YouTube or other platforms. Check them out, decide whether you would like them or not and base your decision on that. You do not, however, have the right to complain about being offended at a comedy gig. Even more so if you’re at an open mic night. There’s no way of checking so you get what you get for your tenner.

You always have the option of not going.

Make your decision for you but don’t expect others to make the same choices. That’s narcissistic, that is.

Grief doesn’t come with an expectation of privacy.

Ah, lads, we lost Mr. Cho, Professor Chobertington McBiteyface Furryfucktrousers McGonagall has crossed the Styx.

He simply would not have countenanced the Rainbow Bridge. He was a Goth and therefore was at all times THE NIGHT.

I’ve not planned anything here, it’s just gonna be a bit of stream-of-consciousness on grief when I should be working from home. I’m even using my works laptop to do this because I am a cheeky chappie.

Hang on, I’m going to grab another slice of coffee.

Still here? Glutton for it.

Anyway as you may or may not be aware, grief has been front and centre of my life for a couple of years. I lost my mother and father in November 2022 within five days of each other. That was rough as I’m sure you wouldn’t need telling. That’s a grief that you live with, it never diminishes. Grief is one of those things. The impact, the weight of it, all of these things never diminish but we get stronger, at least I think that’s what it is. Maybe my brain just broke in a way that looks like coping even to me? Either way, as overwhelmed as I was (and I was for a long time. I’m on my fifth job since they died because I couldn’t cope with the amount of grief I had to take on all at once) I became stronger with it, or learned to handle it but the amount hasn’t diminished one iota.

Every now and again, seemingly out of nowhere, I’ll be hit with a wave of it. A song will play on the Shopping Centres tannoy. Someone will post something on Facebook. A passage from a book. A lot of things hit differently and I don’t realise that they will until it happens. A previously unseen connection with a song or a poem will make itself known the first time you listen to or read it after the event and it’ll level you right there and then, no matter where you are.

Grief doesn’t come with an expectation of privacy.

During the early stages of my grief there were many, many sleepless nights. I’d wander down to the living room a bit lost amongst all the familiarity. I’d just sit on the sofa and stare at nothing, numb, shell-shocked and concussed with the weight of what I’d just been hit with. Mr Cho would be there.

Cats have a thing they do which is adorable. Once they have decided that you are worthy, and this is not a persistent state, they will come over and assess your worth as a cushion. They will sometimes start kneading your torso (a hangover from kittenhood, they are looking for a nipple) and then bury their heads. This is after using you as a climbing frame and making sure you get a good eyeful of bumhole.

And then he’d just lie on me. Purring away, making wee mlerms and slabbers in his sleep. And for that moment it was enough.

I really miss him.